Hunior's Christmas
My name is Hunior. I don't belong.
Fourteen years ago, a small and lonely penguin was found wandering the vast expanses of Antarctica. Me. A small albino penguin, I wasn't like anyone else. I didn't fit in. The village quickly accepted me, but they never loved me. Growing up, my luminous down was a shining bulls-eye, a beacon for those that had nothing better to do than yell at babies and shun me in their free time. I was blamed for every mistake in the village. So, I spent a long time as a solitary bird shivering in the cold, my stiff and bootless wings holding my sorry form. I was a wandering vagabond, an outcast. And that is how my story begins.
It was September 16th, the day I left my world. I had been exploring the monotonous glacial plains of our lonely corner of freezing desert, my smallish form a blurred amorphous blob against the shining snow.
A giant foot planted itself on my head.
Two thoughts ran through my head, the first being 'Ow' and the second, 'Why is there a giant dog stomping on my skull?”
It turns out it wasn't a dog. It was a polar bear. How he ended up stepping on me, I never knew.
With a disgruntled squeak, my head popped up from in between shoulder blades.
"Oh my gosh, I am so.....wow, you are so cute, Lil' juice box!" came a voice from above. I looked up and saw the white sky. "Sorry, just a sec," came the voice.
The sky moved and a giant face appeared, with a soft black little nose and two tiny black-dot eyes.
"Ummmmmmm...." I mumbled, not quite sure what I was seeing. I had never seen anything bigger than the Speech Mound Old Kenny always stood on there and talked about stuff that didn't relate to me. Everyone else listened but me.
"Hi. I'm Conrad Ulysse Martin the Third. I'm a polar bear from New York City. I'm adopted and I like fanny packs. Fun fact: I'm your new best friend."
"Hi..."I said, not sure what to make of the situation.
"Come on. I have two show you something." And with no warning at all, he picked me up, stuck me on his back and took off across the frozen tundra.
"I can't just go with you, Conrad Ulysse Martin the Third. I have a home back by the Eastern Cliffs. I can't go with you." My speech was jumbled and disfigured. Riding on the back of a polar bear was not that not comfortable or steady.
"You don't have a choice, little man. The big man says you gotta go with me. You have some kind of destiny or somethin'."
"No, you don't understand. I have a family. A home. Back there," I said looking over my shoulder.
"Don't lie to me, kid. You got no one. You're the outcast of the village. Like me." His voice got quieter as he said it.
"Wait, how do you know that? And what do you mean like you?"
"Boss man sees all, juice box."
He didn't answer my second question. I didn't ask him again. Leaving didn't seem to be an option, so I just laid down into his soft white fur, fur just like mine.
I woke up when Conrad Ulysse Martin the Third dumped me in a snow drift. He laughed a deep heavy laugh when I sat up from the snow pile with ruffled feathers and a pile of white snow on my tiny little head.
I glared at him. "You know, there are nicer ways to wake up than having snow shoved up into your feathers," I said.
"Take a chill pill, juice box. Life is short. Laugh when you can."
"I do," I muttered. "Just not always at other people's expense."
He laughed.
"And don't call me juice box, O.K.? It's annoying."
"Sure, pop tart," he said with a roaring laugh.
I stood up and began to walk south.
"Woah kid, whatcha doing?"
"Going home."
"Going home?" he laughed. "We just got here." he gestured with his paws. I turned around.
Displayed in front of me was a castle made of ice. The facade was strong, the blocks cut from the clearest ice I had seen in my life. The castle mimicked one of the medieval times, the four watchtowers at the corners stood stiffly erect, as if guarding the building against attackers. The tallest spires spun into the sky, the translucent crystals refracting the sunlight to form dancing patterns on the snow on the ground.
"Woah...." I muttered in an awed voice. "Where are we?"
"Welcome to the home of the Abominable Snowman. A.k.a., the boss man. "
"You work for the Abominable Snowman?" I asked.
"I told you I was adopted, right? Meet my dad."
As if on cue, a monstrous figure smashed straight through the side of the magnificent castle and roared.
In a very undignified manner, I screamed and hid under Conrad Ulysse Martin the Third, who just laughed.
"What are you doing? Run!" I yelled. He just laughed harder.
I peeked out from between the polar bear's legs. The monster was laughing too. It laughed so hard it fell over and rolled onto it's back.
"What's going on," I asked.
"Don't worry, Dad always does that, smashing through the walls and all."
"Wait, your Dad is the Abominable Snowman?"
"Keep up, Pop-tart. I already said that. now come on out."
I crawled out from under his stomach and stood up.
The Abominable Snowman spoke. "So this is the little Hunior. Strange color, I see. An albino."
I blushed with embarrassment.
"Come in," he said and waved us in with his arms.
Although the outside of the castle was made of ice, the inside was a clean, modern environment, robed in rush carpets and intricate tapestries. We saw on the sofa, facing a fire that burned on a few yule logs.
"How did you do all of this?" I said, looking around.
"My arctic abilities allow me to control the ice and the snow. If I had not known you were coming, you would have been lost in a horrible blizzard. forgotten . None may find it unless I wish it."
Conrad Ulysse Martin the Third nodded. "That's why he can crash through the side of the castle. He just snaps and it repairs itself."
"This whole place is special," I said.
"And so are you." said the snowman.
"I'm not special. I'm just a freak."
"You're wrong, pop tart. You're a Polar-Penguin. The first one ever. "
"That's not even a thing," I said with a depressed laugh.
"Oh, but it is," said the Snowman. "Let me tell you a story. Two hundred years ago, there lived a brilliant scientist named Issac Gulsvig. A Polish scientist immigrated to the United States of America. New York City. He even had a pet polar bear named Conrad Ulysse Martin the Third, the name of his father. And a small albino penguin. Blessed with a brilliant mind and a love for science, the man would often work through the night on his never-ending projects. His favorite was the Eternity Elixer, a brilliant liquid that made any object last forever. Years of perfecting it, down to the last detail. But it needed one last thing to be completed. A human soul. It could not give a life without taking one. So the scientist debated his options. Discard his most cherished project, or donate his life to the scientific community.
He decided on the latter. One night, he poured the small vial on some ice in a glass and took a swig. And in doing so, his soul was sucked from his body and a monster was created." The snowman stood.
"I became immortal."
"That scientist was you?" I said.
"Yes, Issac Gulsvig was my name."
"What happened?" I said.
"I created this," he said, looking at his shaggy body. "But luckily, my greatest success was an accident. I had, if you recall, poured my deadly concoction on some ice. The Elixer reacted with the ice first, subtracting some of its lethal power. When I took my sip, I received both an eternal ice cube and an eternal substitute for a soul. I cannot die but have the power to control ice and snow."
"So what does that have to do with me?" I said.
"You were created by me. I first tested my potions on my animals. Your mother was the small albino penguin that I owned. As you have probably guessed, Conrad Ulysse Martin the Third was the polar bear. I used some fur from Conrad Ulysse Martin the third and a feather from your mother in the Elixer. The result of my various tests was a Polar-Penguin. You. Hidden under the cute visage of a penguin lies the heart and strength of a polar bear. How you activate the physical aspect, I have yet to find out."
"But why did you bring me here? I don't understand."
"To find your mother and unlock your secret."
"You know where she is!?"
"I believe so."
"Where?" I shouted. I could barely contain my excitement: I was going to find my family.
He paused. "In Santa's Workshop."
"What!!" I coughed. "How could she be there? And why?"
"Santa, you see, was jealous of my power over winter. But he was not to have it. So he meant to seek vengeance. He stole your mother. Carolyn. You can rescue her."
"But I'm just a penguin," I said.
"Wrong," said Conrad Ulysse Martin the Third. "A Polar-Penguin."
"Sorry. But how can I?"
"With both my help and Conrad Ulysse Martin the Third's help," said Issac.
"Do you always call him Conrad Ulysse Martin the Third?" I asked.
"Well, what else would I call him?" said Issac, a tad confused.
"Conrad? C.U.M.T.? Martin? No!" he said. I laughed.
"Back to the topic. I need your help. So let's begin. Training time."
I trained for weeks with Issac, learning how to run, slide, deactivate bombs, (were there going to be bombs that I had to deactivate in Santa's workshop?) move in a quick and undetected manner, pass as an elf, talk to other animals and all of the hero shabang and glitter stuff. The one thing I felt I was missing was my special agent gadgets. Where were my laser guns, bulletproof jackets, and soundproof underwear? When I asked Issac, he replied simply, saying, 'Your greatest power has yet to be unveiled.'
December 16th, three months after my epic journey had begun. I still had a good two months of training left when Issac came up to me.
"We need to leave," he said. "We have to go, now."
"Why? I still have training left to do. I'm not ready."
"That doesn't matter now. One of my scouts has just told me that Santa has planned to unleash his master plan on Christmas Eve. We've already waited too long."
I followed him out the door into the snow.
"Conrad Ulysse Martin the Third will guide you there. You are to travel to the Noth Pole, find Santa's workshop and bring back your mother, all before the 24th of December. I have an iceberg waiting for you."
I looked at where he was pointing. A giant iceberg sat floating in the water. It was piled high will all of the food and supplies we might need for the journey.
"Issac, I don't know what to say," I said.
"You don't have to say anything," said Issac. "Just complete your task." And with that, he loaded me onto the iceberg and with a wave of his hands, pushed the giant ice cube over the ocean.
"Goodbye, my sons." I heard him say.
"Bye, Dad," I said back, too quietly for him to hear.
The iceberg sped across the surface of the water so fast that the wind nearly ripped the feathers off of my body. We traveled like that for two days. The air was so loud that we couldn't even speak to each other. Luckily, Issac had provided us with food and water for the trip. It was downright miserable.
I learned a lot on that trip, the first and most important thing is to not get your hopes up when going to the North Pole. The barren tundra alluded to the landscape of Antarctica. There was nothing to focus on. On most of it, at least. Where we landed, there was a massive industrial complex sitting right on the shore. The place was huge, with hundreds of smokestacks jutting into the pale sky, barfing out a palpable smog so thing it looked like thick brown pudding that floated. I don't know why no one had found this place before, I mean, it was colossal. The factory stretched as far back as the eye could see. It looked like Issac had known where he was going to send us.
As we walked toward the set of buildings, the tension in the air was as thick as good bacon. No one had said anything since we landed. We soon reached the door. It was a thick steel door, caked with snow that had blown against it for who knew how long. 'My mom is somewhere in there' I thought. Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third knocked on the door. Some snow fell off, revealed a dull brass plaque that had the words, "Santa's Workshop" engraved deeply in.
"So this is it," Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third said.
"I guess so."
He knocked again. The door swung soundlessly open. Opened by whom, we did not know. The hallway that stretched backward was pitch black and a dull humming came from within, giving the whole place a deadly feel. I began to feel claustrophobic.
Slowly, we continued on. Our soft feet made no noise on the unyielding floors. It was weird as if the sound had been sucked from the whole place. We came to an intersection and turned left. A series of doors ran the length of the hallway. "Issac said she would be around here. We walked in the east entrance and went left. He said she would be in the second corridor on the right." I said. "Read the door labels." Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third said. "Might be something like prisoners, or small albino female penguin."
"If only," I said. "We have to check all of the doors without being seen.
We searched for a few minutes. "Kitchen, bathroom, table tennis, toy testing. None of these." Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third said. I kept reading. "Wait a sec. Is this it?"
"What does it say?" he asked.
"Small Albino Female Penguin. Not even kidding. Help me up. I can't see in the window. He lifted me up. Looking through the wire enforced glass, I saw a plain room with a cushion and a small ice pond in the corner. Huddled against the wall was a small white penguin. A petite little beak of a nose rested upon a small angular face. Her eyes were closed, with long eyelashes curling from below the eyes. "She's beautiful," I said.
"That's her," said Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third. "I'd never forget that face. She's immortal too. She could be the key to you and be the unlocking the Polar-Penguin secret."
"Let's bust Mom out," I said cheerfully.
He turned the doorknob. "
"Carolyn, it's me, Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third. Wake up."
The penguin stirred and her eyes fluttered open. "Conrad? Is that you? Hunior?" Her face brightened.
"Mom!" I said, jumping down from Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third's shoulder. I hugged her. "Is it really you, Hunior?"
"It's really me, Mom. Me and Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third."
"Why are you two here?" she asked.
"To free you, Mom. And find out what a Polar-Penguin is," I added.
"A Polar-Penguin?" she asked, confused.
"No time to explain. we've got to go," said Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third. He scooped us up and ran out the door.
"Which way?"I asked Conrad.
"I would think we'd go to the-"
He never got to finish. A small twisted form jumped across the intersection of two hallways, not ten feet from us. I screamed and jumped back.
"What was heck was that!?" I yelled.
"An elf," said Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third calmly. "Didn't you see the hat? Pointed, with a snowball at the end."
I peeked around the corner. Two small red orbs glowed in space, about thirty feet back.
"It's standing there, right around the corner. See for yourself." I said. I shuffled back so Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third could move up. He peered around the corner.
"What are you talking about? There is nothing there."
"Yes, there is. Don't you see the two red dots..." I didn't finish. "I swear it was right there. Honestly."
"I don't like this," he said. "I don't like this at all."
"Conrad, what's going on?" asked Carolyn.
"Not sure, Carrie," he replied.
"I say we follow it. See where it went." I said.
I turned the corner. 200 pairs of red eyes shown through the dark.
"Run!" I shouted. Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third was no far behind me. A snakelike slimy voice cut through the darkness. "I say we follow it. See where it went. Run." The pitter-patter of tiny feet charging echoed through the corridor.
"O.K., that's just creepy!" Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third said as he scooped me up and kept running. "Sorry," I yelled. "My tiny legs can't go any faster."
"Mine can, pop-tart. Now shut up and tell me if they're going to catch us."
I looked back. The swarm of elves swerved around a corner, climbing up the walls, their little bead eyes shining through the Stygian darkness. Murmmers of, "They found us!" "Kill them!" "Trespassers!" and "My shoes are too tight!" wafted through the mass of creatures.
"Keep running,"I said. "I think we're losing them."
The elves got smaller and smaller as we sped down the hallway.
"We're almost there!" Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third yelled. He stopped at the door. He yanked on the handle. "It's locked!" I panicked. "Stand back," Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third said. "I'm breaking us out. He yanked at the handle. Once Twice. "They're getting closer!" I said. The polar bear yanked again. Snap! The handle broke. Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third ran into the door and it flew open. Sunlight streamed in. "Come on, guys!" he said as he picked me up and ran. Alarms screamed in the early morning sun.
"Let's back up against a snowbank," I said. "That way they can only come from one side."
"Smart," replied Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third. "You guys stay behind me. Don't get hurt, and do what you can to help."
Mom and I climbed up the side of the snowbank and sat at the top, busily making snowballs. I started to explain. "Speed explanation. I used to live in Antarctica when Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third came along and kidnapped me. Brought me to Issac's place. He told me about himself, you, Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third, and me. Apperantally, I am a Polar-Penguin. I was created by a series of experiments. Supposedly, I have all of the magical abilities of a penguin and a polar bear combined. I need both of you to help me unlock all of it." By now, we had about twenty snowballs.
"They're coming!" shouted Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third from down below. "Get ready!" I looked up. A swarm of about 200 elves was swarming toward the huge polar bear standing beneath me. "He's not going to be able to hold them off by himself," I said to myself. "Stay here!" I shouted to my mom. I slid down the hill. Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third was bracing for impact. So I, the tiniest albino Polar-Penguin ever to exist, charged the swarm of bloodthirsty elves. Let's just say that Issac's training helped. I kicked some serious Christmas elf butt. Polar bears are fighting machines. Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third was whirling and twirling and chucking elves here and there. Mom whipped snowballs from above, knocking out elves left and right. The fight was over in a few minutes. Breathing hard, the big furry polar bear turned around and laughed. "You did great, juice box!" I didn't even mind him calling me that. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. "We did it," I said with a laugh. "Let's head back." As soon as I had finished saying that, a horn sounded in the distance. "That can't be good," I said. "Come on, Mom." We ran toward the raft. We never got there. We were cut off by a massive swarm of elves, hundreds and hundreds of them. And that wasn't all. They were lead by Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer. He and his not-so-little squadron of elves and reindeer were quickly approaching us.
"Run!" I yelled.
"No," said Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third. "We make our stand here. We won't make it to the boat in time and we'll be pressed against the water. We'll surely lose." So we charged. Mom sat on Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third's shoulders are he charged into the elves, wading through the undulating ocean of bodies. I took on Rudolf. I stepped on one of the elves points hats doing a double backflip and grabbing his antlers. My momentum carried his horns into the ground. I rolled away as he flipped forward like a rider over the handlebars. I stood up but was quickly swarmed by a mob of elves. My small size made it very hard for me to do almost anything. A muffled cry for help escaped my lips. No one heard me. I squirmed, wormed and wriggled, but there were too many of them. Suddenly, I was pulled from the dogpile (or was it elfpile). A friendly face looked down at me.
"Hey. pop-tart," he said with a smile on his face. He waded through the elfpile and set me on my feet.
"Thanks," I said. "Actually, do you think you can put me on one of the reindeer's backs?" I asked. "I have an idea."
The mighty polar bear nodded. "I will," he said. "But I want to try something first." He put me next to my mom on his shoulder. "Here, Carolyn, unscrew this." He handed her a small vial of green liquid. "Put one of your feathers in it." She plucked out one of her feathers and slipped it into the vial. It dissolved into the solution.
"What is it?" she asked.
"It's the last of Issac's Elixer of Immortality."
"What!" she replied in shock. "He'll be furious!"
"But he can't stop me can he?" replied Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third coyly. "Anyways, Hunior. Put some of my fur in the vial," he said.
I pulled out one or two hairs and placed them in the vial. It bubbled and turned a glowing gold color. "Woah..." I muttered.
"Now drink it," said Carolyn.
"O.K...." I said, slightly hesitant. I gulped it down and gagged. It tasted like dog food. My body burned. Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third set me on the ground and backed up. "Sheild your eyes. I'm not sure what this is going to do."
"What!!" I said, now completely terrified. The polar bear punted a small unfortunate elf that wandered too close to him.
"Any second now," he said with an expectant look on his face.
I was pretty sure I blacked out for a second because I woke up as a polar bear. I was huge. A massive polar bear. I moved, feeling the muscle roll beneath my white fur.
"It worked," shouted Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third.
"Am I.... a polar-penguin?" I asked.
"Yes you are," said Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third.
I laughed and charged into battle.
I loved my new body. I was so strong, my muscles rolling beneath my furry hide. I swatted aside Rudolf so hard his nose sputtered and blinked off. Elves ran in fear from my new unveiled form. Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third and I were an unbreakable wall, plowing through our enemies, my mother throwing snowballs from atop our shoulders. Within minutes, the glacier was strewn with whimpering and unconscious elves. We had done it. Our raft had been destroyed in the battle, so we "borrowed" one from Santa's workshop. We loaded it up with any food we were able to salvage and gladly pushed off from the North Pole. As the shoreline sank below the horizon, I asked if Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third and Mom could explain what had happened to me.
"Well, as we were freeing your mother, I remembered something Issac said before we left. ' I used some fur from Conrad Ulysse Martin the Third and a feather from your mother in the Elixer. The result of my various tests was a Polar-Penguin. You.' he quoted. I figured it needed that little extra umpf to get you to change."
"So does that make me immortal?" I asked.
"It does," replied my mom. Like us."
We traveled in silence for a while after that. What we didn't know was that our fight was far from over. Just as we lost sight of the shore, Santa released his most horrible minion yet us, the two stubborn trespassers and one escaped prisoner.
We slept soundly that night. It was the last one we would get for a while.
The lights that heralded the coming of dawn cut through the ever-present darkness. A beautiful sunrise streaked across the sky. The ocean was like a glass sheet, so smooth that the smallest motions on the boat sent ripples bounding across the sea. We silently sat and ate some of the salvaged food left in the boat. I was still stuck as a polar bear. I asked Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third and Mom if either of them knew how to change me back. Neither of them did. I hoped I didn't need more Elixer since it was all used up. I didn't want to be suck as a polar bear for the rest of my eternal life. Hours passed on the boat, each of us stuck in the middle of our own thoughts. Ripples moved in lines through the water. Fish swam quickly forward as if on some mission. I looked around. Everything seemed fine. I turned back around. A splash pulled my attention away from the front of the boat. I looked back. Ripples had broken the surface of the water, but there was nothing there. Again, I turned around. A few minutes later, a splash diverted my attention again. I turned around. In the wake had started on the surface of the water, considerably closer to the boat, turbulence had arisen in the water. I stared at the spot for a while. A horn broke the surface of the water, leaving the signature splash I had heard. I tapped Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third on the shoulder. "Watch the water for a minute," I said.
"What is it?" he inquired.
"A horn. A spiraled silvery horn."
The polar bear's face paled, somehow going whiter. "Kid, you're positive you saw a horn?" he said.
"Yes," I said. After I said this, the point broke the water again. Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third picked up an oar. "Kid, row as you've never rowed before."
"I've never ever rowed before," I said.
"Then just follow me. We've got to get out of here. Now."
The smaller polar bear picked up an oar and plunged it into the water. I did the same.
"What is that?" I asked in a little bit of a panicked voice.
"I'd know that horn anywhere," he said. "That behind us is the Narwah of the North. I didn't think Santa would pull him back out after '63"
"What happened in '63?" I asked.
"Long story. Where do you think the movie 'The Year Without A Santa Claus' came from? Oh, man, did he get into some trouble! Now row!" With both of us rowing, the boat sped across the surface of the water, or steel muscles pulling us across the sea. Suddenly, the boat rocked violently. A slivery horn smashed through the hull of the boat. I was thrown from the boat. The icy water hit me like a ton of bricks. I peered through the bubble-filled water at the monster beneath the ship. A behemoth of an animal lurked in the cloudy water. A fat sausage body had the end of a gnarled and twisted. horn stuffed in the middle of the face. An angry snarling expression chased the light from the surrounding area. I surfaced to an even scarier reality. The boat had been flipped, its passengers were thrown into the water. "Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third!" I shouted. A piece of flotsam slammed into me, throwing me under the water. The violent sea shoved me under water. I gasped for breath but found only water. The riptide pulled me underwater. When I surfaced, I could barely see the boat. I began to swim. As I closed the distance between myself and the boat, a horn split the water in front of me. I panicked, not knowing how I was going to escape this one. "Keep swimmin' kid!" came a distant shout. "Keep swimming!"
I tried but I was paralyzed with fear. It all happened in slow motion. The Giant Narwhal submerged. I rolled over onto stomach, peering into the dark water. The horn appeared in the murky water. Slowly, it moved toward my abdomen. White hot pain, and then darkness.
I woke up in a soft silk bed, the white light stabbing my eyes. "Where am I?" I asked.
"Hey, Juicebox," came a familiar voice. "We're at Issac's place
"Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third?"
"You bet, kiddo."
"What happened?"
"Immortality, Pop-tart. You died. Blew up in a big golden explosion. Best and the worst thing I have ever seen. Blew Mr. Killer Narwhal to bits. Saved us all. Quite interesting."
"Honey?" came a soft voice from behind the polar bear.
Conrad Ulysses Martin the Third moved aside. Mom stood there, her eyes filling with tears. "Mom!" We hugged for a while. "I'm so glad you're here." We didn't need to say more. "You did everything we asked and more." She looked at me with a mischevious glint in her small eyes. "So, are you ready to go find Huey?"
"Who's that?" I asked.
"Your dad," she replied. "He fell in with a bunch of teenagers about three hundred years back and has gone incognito as a bathroom pass."
"A bathroom pass?"
"He always was a go-getter," she muttered under her breath.
I had a whole another adventure waiting for me. My like had just begun.