Dear Pawling
Dear High school sophomore,
When you try to rile up my little brother by saying things about me, it works. When he comes home and doesn't look me in the eyes as he asks if i even know who you are, it hurts. And when i sit near you in class and i see you flirt with your girlfriend, it burns. What you do isn't funny, what you say does mean something, it is demeaning and gross and unacceptable. This so called locker room talk is only get you so far with the guys and the football players…
Dear spanish partner,
When my brother told me what you said about my body when I wasn't even in the room, when he said “ I hate that guy, he gets to me, he said some stuff about you”, I was surprised. I was in shock that you'd somehow confront a kid and tell him that even though i wouldn't let you copy my Spanish test, you'd do me. And then I sat there, in class, next to you and pretended you didn't exist, because I don't exist to you. Only my body does.
Dear boss,
When you stand there with your arms crossed with a scrawl on your face, and you tell me to smile, i die a little inside. When you tell me to smile, because it looks better, because customers will like to look at me more, i hate you. But when i reflectively smile, when i'm so nervous about your disapproval that i feel myself smile through my gritted teeth, I hate myself even more. And then you sand there basically frowning with my male coworkers, never telling them that they'd be better liked if they looked happy, without frown lines, i go and hide in the bathroom to stop myself from screaming.
Dear customers,
No. No old, ancient white guy, you most certainly cannot wrap me up with your food and take me home. And to your teenage grandsons, thank you for looking uncomfortable, thank you for mumbling your apologies, but that is not enough. And to your father, who laughed, in front of his wife, I remember your laughter from months ago, and i think i always will.
To get it over with, yes my eyes are striking, yes i'm in highschool, and i most definitely can believe it, and no i won't be coming back to your table. When you pout as i try to avoid your table, and look surprised when I Make the other waiter go to your table, are you really questioning why i would feel uncomfortable, really?
Dear middle school staff,
I remember. I remember when the nurse told me to fix my shirt, because i wouldn't want to distract the boys or give them any wrong ideas. When that one teacher repeatedly told me to fix my bra straps, because they were showing, I don't care that they are showing. I Don't care because i spent forty six dollars on that uncomfortable wire and cotton cage that didn't fit, because i couldn't find a store that had my size. I don't care because that wasn't the first time. The first time was fourth grade. The first time, it was hot and i wore a tank top amd my bra strap was showing, and a monitor pointed it out in front of the line up and told me it was against the dress code. The first time, I said, my shirt straps are two fingers width and this right here, this is a bra strap, and i need it. And to that teacher in eighth grade, that dress coded my shorts, you didn't have to tell me why, but you did. You said that you felt bad but that you felt like you had to send me to the office because other teachers were sending girls down. You didn't send me because they were short, or because you wanted to enforce it, you saw a girl in the hallway hang her head and pull down her skirt as she was handed a pass, and felt pressured to do the same to me. And then you told me it was because of peer pressure. And when i came back to class still wearing those shorts, you sighed with so much relief, and laughed, like i was dying inside from embarrassment.
Dear parents,
When you are more worried about what your sons are accused of than what your daughters go through, there is a problem. Maybe you should spend more time talking to your sons instead of your daughters. Tell your sons about the dangers of drinking, how they could hurt others if they're drunk. Tell them the fear women feel in alleyways and drugs and peer pressure. Maybe you should've told your sons to treat women with respect, as their equals, instead of telling your daughters what to wear and what to say. Maybe you should tell the guys in your life how to tell guys to stop joking about "what they'd like to do to her", instead of telling the women in your life that the jokes don't mean anything. Maybe parents are supposed to treat their kids differently based on their gender, but i doubt it.
Dear high school boys,
When you hit on me and i turn you down, that is me saying no. when you sit near me and i spend twenty minutes trying to convey to you that i don't like you that i never will, that is me telling you to switch seats. When you ask if you should switch seats, if you could sit with me tomorrow, if i'm just intimidated by my feelings for you, i laugh, and then i cry inside. There are two types of nervous when a guy approaches a girl. The good kind, the butterflies, that make girls smile and blush and play with their hair. And the bad kind, that make girls avoid eye contact at all costs, that make them whisper and pull at their clothes and look around for witnesses and friends. And trust me when i tell you, i know that you can tell the difference.
Dear desperate guys looking for prom dates,
No.
I say no to prom because I’m going with friends.
I say no to prom because I barely know you.
AMD then you dare to ask me out?
And I turn you down yet again.
And then you don’t take the hint and you dm me. I ignore it and I ignore you. And yet you message me again. And again. And I must repeat myself that I am not interested and you type back an okay. Now I avoid you in the halls and in class. I rush out so you don’t have the chance to ask me out in front of people and the teacher again.
Then there’s the other guy
The one that got dumped and asked out seven girls to prom. The one that tried to get a sympathy yes. When I say no I mean no. Don’t guilt trip me and lie and say you won’t ask out any one else because you really like me when you already shot your shot with five other girls.
I shouldn’t have had to have days long conversations to turn you guys down for prom or real dates. When I say no I’m not playing hard to get or busy I mean no. I shouldn’t have had to come up with several excuses and reasons bad ways of turning you down to get the point across when I can say I t with two letters. N. O.
Dear Pawling,
Right now, we are suspended in a time capsule from 1953, and you feel great, but I don't. You think you are superior and awesome here, but I don't. Here, guys walk down the halls wearing confederate flag shirts, trump hats, and manist/anti feminism crap. I wear leggings and sweaters and still get dress coded or stared at. Here, little girls are told to wear longer shorts and cover up
Here, you must feel so powerful, so invincible, knowing everybody is on your side, celebrating oppression and racism and sexism. But the real world will be a rude awakening. When we all leave this place, you will be scared for once, not me. I will be liberated. You will come crawling back home and I will be free.
Dear future me, and other girls,
This should not be our normal. We should not have to just get used to it. We should not have this weight on our shoulders from the moment we start puberty at age ten or fifteen. This is not on us. It’s on them. We are strong and powerful and amazing and so much freaking better than this place and these people and we deserve so much more. We will find our places in this world. Places were our voices are heard and our opinions matter mad our feelings are acknowledged and our answers are valued. Even though no where is perfect anywhere has to be better than here. The nights you spend in bed crying, wondering if it’s your fault, asking yourself if you should’ve worn that shirt, if you should’ve said that so loud… the faces and voices and experiences that haunt your dreams will fade away. You will learn to not blame yourself and not let the fear and anger fester into hatred for yourself but use it to power through life as strong empowered women. We should not have to be traumatized just by walking down the street, they should be held accountable for their actions. Please have hope and have faith in yourself and other women and people and humanity because if we all work together we can change the world for the better.