What Means Yes?

“No”

I say...

I answer.

But he wonders...

Is she playing hard to get?

I said, “ I’m not interested.”

But to him, its bait

It's a fun little game.

I’m merely a piece on his board Never ending turns

Because he he doesn't want to win, He just wants to score.

“Like i said before...”

Should I give a reason?

What if I said I have a boyfriend...

Why can't he just take no for an answer?

Why do i have to give an excuse he deems acceptable,

I mean my answer must be enough

No need for a thank you

Or an I’m flattered

I don't dare apologize.

I could say i'm too busy...

With school and work and

The fact that i don't owe him a damn thing.

Slowly drawing out the words

Swallowing the urge to spit out an I’m sorry

Because, hell, i'm not sorry

I barely know the guy, the stranger

His caution to the wind, risking his precious ego to ask me out

While my heart pounds and my palms clam up

Those so called butterflies feel an awful lot like knives, don't they?

With knights in shining armour lining up down the block, instincts kick in.

Fight or flight?

Always, always, always flight, I learned that from the news

Let him down easy,

maybe he won't throw acid in your face

Right?

“It's just coffee.”

His eyelashes fluttering, acting so innocent...

Maybe if i say yes, hell go away after?

“I am flattered, but no.”

He apologizes for really liking me

Telling me not to worry

OH I WON'T

But what if...

That no maybe be beaten down and forced into

A maybe

Ha!

That maybe will never last.

Stuttering along the syllables,

Knives travelling from my stomach to my chest,

He’ll never believe me.

Now he's too excited and hopeful, like a little boy on christmas eve

Way past bedtime.

My maybe will shrink and die out with a sigh And become an

“I Guess.”

A shoulder shrug.

Just to get it over with.

But that guess will be withered down

Until there is nothing less than what he really wants to hear

It's just coffee,

Then i'll ghost him,

He’ll get bored,

I’m sure of it.

Well, it’s worth a try at this point.

And the tiniest squeak of an unsure yes will escape my closing throat,

Like music to his ears,

Torture to mine. because , if no means no...

What means yes?

#CaitlinDazi